Three Years

Three years ago almost exactly-an hour from now to be exact- I almost died of a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. Had it not been for the persistence of my husband of not taking me home--he was asked to 3 times, a nurse who knew me and listened to me after an ignorant arrogant ER doctor let me bleed internally for 15 hours, a wonderful doctor came and did surgery to save my life, my baby's life was already gone. I am so thankful to be alive. I would have missed so many things with my children! 2007 was an awful year. I lost that baby and then in October lost a baby at 16 weeks 6 days just about crushing me and leaving me without hope or faith. I tried again and got pregnant but lost that baby in January 2008. I had a hysterectomy in 2009 to save me again-- since I had become so sick with anemia I couldn't go on living a productive life and it eventually would have shortened my life. Why tell you all this. Because I lived through it I went though the dark got to the light and am joyfully happy. I have a beautiful 3 year old, a wonderful 18 year old, a loving husband and a ton of kids who call me mom/grandma-I am blessed. I still get teary, upset, angry, frustrated about not having the children I lost or the hope to have more, but it doesn't overtake who I am anymore. for that I am grateful too. So many people have life so much worse than this and some people have nothing. Why? All I can do is quote and Amy Grant song--

So much pain and no good reason why
You've cried until the tears run dry
And nothing else can make you understand
The one thing that you held so dear
Is slipping from your hand
And you say
Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say
Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road
Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all
I thought I'd climbed the highest wall
Now I see the learning never ends
And all I know to do is keep on walking
Walking 'round the bend singing
Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say
Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road