Music

How can one not LOVE music? I can get lost in music for hours and hours.......some for memory purpose, some for the love of a voice, the lyric, the feeling, the beat, the ability to drift away.....worship......I love music.

Some people...........

I am actually the happiest I've been in a while. What is comical to me is that because I happen to be on the heavier side of me weight wise, people ASS U ME that I am depressed, unhappy and unhealthy. Funny-- this is the first whole year I have made it without hospitalizations and or any other medical issues, other than my norm PCOS crap. Which is one of my weight reasons. I happy with my life. Please be happy for me too.

No guilt of life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

My Redeemer LIVES!!!

I know he rescued my soul
His blood has covered my sin
I believe
I believe

My shame His taken away
My pain is healed in his name
I believe
I believe

I'll raise a banner
'Cause my Lord has conquered the grave

My Redeemer Lives
My Redeemer Lives
My Redeemer Lives
My Redeemer Lives

You Lift my burdens
I'll rise with You
I'm dancing on this mountain top to see your kingdom come

Three Month Mark

It's been three months since Nicole died. Seems like I haven't seen her in years. We all miss her so much. I can still remember the night before the baby came we were all laughing in her hospital room and she was playing music off the computer. This ones for you she says to me as she plays an old rink jam skate song!

Most of us are handling it well, some are beyond words. The ones who are beyond words are, in my opinion, suffering from guilt. If they would forgive themselves for abandoning her when she needed friends I think they could handle her dying better and learn that life isn't forever. Don't leave things unsaid. Don't leave a relationship you want to keep, and if it's beyond your control and you've done all you can to make it right, have peace in that.

I miss you Kole. I miss your laugh!

Blessings-- Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Grief

Grief is a crazy thing. Comes in waves.........It hit me today that I purposely do not watch the calendar from Valentines day on......My sister's birthday was Feb 24...I loathe March. I'm supposed to be celebrating my child's 3rd birthday in March, she died inutero in October 2007........I loathe April I almost died in April and lost the first of three babies........My husband declared the other day he hated Spring. I couldn't agree more. But since we are all currently grieving Nicole, I didn't notice any of those dates. Crazy. Usually I dread them. Next year should be interesting. My new years eve post was: Resolution
Heal.Deal.Dream.Love.Give.Cook. who could ever imagine the HEAL part would be Nicole. Life is crazy.

UGH!!!

Okay I try not to complain ...............really I do. BUT I am sick of you PCOS(polycysticovariansyndrom) and I am sick of your symptoms. Sigh. Wondering if I can surgically remove my ovary myself.............hmmmm

To understand PCOS you must first understand insulin. Insulin is a hormone that
every human on the planet needs to survive. Its role is to transport glucose (our body’s
main source of fuel) into our cells where it can be used as energy. For example, let’s say
you just ate a granola bar. Since it’s a carbohydrate, your body will first break it down
into small glucose particles. Insulin is then secreted in response to the glucose particles
to put them into your cells where they are needed for energy. If insulin doesn’t do this,
glucose will remain in your blood stream where it can do damage. This typically happens
when someone has diabetes and isn’t controlling their blood sugar well.

The problem with extra levels of insulin is that insulin is also a growth hormone. This
means it promotes weight gain very easily, mostly in the mid-section of your body above
your belly button. This is why you may have gained a lot of weight very rapidly with out
changes in your eating or exercise. Some women refer to the excess weight as a “spare
tire” or “inner tube” around their middle. The weight can be gained despite maintaining a
physically active lifestyle and not overeating. Having elevated insulin explains why so
many women with PCOS are overweight: the more weight gain you experience, the
more insulin your body produces, and the more you gain weight. Thus a vicious cycle
ensues: Women who weigh more tend to experience more insulin resistance than
someone who is thinner. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.......

ho hum

Waiting for spring!
So many people I know are suffering so much, it breaks my heart. Especially those who are losing babies. Sigh.Cancer. Illness.ugh Seems everyone we know is getting hit by something. Glad we worship a great big God. Hoping the spring brings new life into everyone.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

Psalm 62:5

This Psalm was put to song and is sung by our minister's wife at church. She recorded it and it is on a worship CD. I put this on my ipod. I preciously put it on a playlist for my 'sons' birth, my labor songs on another ipod. This song became a comfort to me. I ended up playing it after almost dying. I played it after every pregnancy loss ....3 in 9 months time...........I still played it when alone to set in solitude to reflect. Nicole died and Lynn sang it at her funeral in no way knowing what it meant to me. "He alone is my rock my salvation He is my fortress and I will not be shaken. Find rest oh my soul in God alone.........."

How lovely is
Your dwelling place
Oh Lord Almighty,
For my soul longs
And even faints
For You
Oh, here my heart
Is satisfied (is satisfied)
Within Your presence
I sing beneath
The shadow of
Your wings

Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
(Than thousands elsewhere)

One thing I ask,
And I would seek,
To see Your beauty
To find You in
The place Your glory dwells
(One thing I ask)
One thing I ask
And I would seek,
To see Your beauty
To find You in
The place Your glory dwells

Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
(Better is one day)
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere

(My heart and flesh cry out)
My heart and flesh cry out
To You, the Living God
Your Spirit's water to my soul
I've tasted, and I've seen
Come once again to me
I will draw near to You
I will draw near to You
To You

Better is one day
Better is one day
Better is one day
Than thousands elsewhere
(2x)
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
(4X)
Yeah, than thousands elsewhere (Yeah)
Oh, than thousands elsewhere


I miss you Nicole.
Riley is beautiful....

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light
Be thou my wisdom and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, I , Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one
Riches I heed not nor man's emptly praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and thou only first in my heart
High King of heaven my treasure Thou are
High King of heaven my victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun
Heart of my own heart whatever befall
Still be my vision O Ruler of all

Nicole

I will miss you more than you would ever imagine. I can not wait to see you again. Til Heaven reunites us..............Godspeed

aaarrrgh

To those who don't like who I am or what I do. Fuck off.

Happy NEW YEAR!!

2011
Resolution
Heal.Deal.Dream.Love.Give.Cook.