setback

UGH after my last posting I went to the hospital for another ruptured ovarian cyst. OUCH! For more fun I burst the second one at home. I think they have now all burst and I am trying to recover, but am in pain sometimes excruciating ALL the time. ANNOYING!

My housework is falling behind. I cooked twice it almost killed me! I did manage through pain to go to a dinner I was not going to miss -again- our annual end of GEMS dinner. I also went to an open house for 30 minutes to honor some wonderful kids I know, they are simply amazing! Home again and PAIN! I should have used the time and energy to do some laundry or dishes but I have decided I am using my energy for people. I am hoping to be up and at it soon. I am a servant by nature and I hate being home. I want to visit, cook and care for all my 'people' again. I miss them!

Doctor appts in a couple of weeks to decide NOW WHAT? Oh goodie. Trying to stay positive and do what I can when I can!!

cooking

So I've been frantically busy and then sickness hit.ugh. Back to cooking tonight. It was okay, just okay. BUT with some changes it will be great. Some recipes I try are very very good. Most are good actually. Some are good for what they are and just aren't something I like or would eat. Some are just what it is and that is yuk.ha. But it's still fun! I liked a few parts of tonight's supper a great deal, so I'll build on the rest. Which is what I've been doing, cooking, then taking notes on what to change it to in order for it to be better. So when the year is done I'll have an entire year of yummy recipes. Some will be thrown out of course. But that's life. I am learning new cooking skills. I am learning spices, amounts, weird ingredients I have never heard of and definitely appreciating good cheeses, butters, olive oils, spices and breads!! ALL so much fun to me! I guess I'm a cooking geek. The best part is no one in my house can say 'this for supper again'. AND no one is ever bored it's an adventure every night. So on to tomorrow! Happy cooking!

ALONE

I'm tired. I need a vacation or a day ALONE. Yes ALONE. It amazes me how many people hate to be ALONE. I LOVE it. Not for always but I do NEED it a ton more than it is happening. I have a friend who NEVER wants to be ALONE and know someone who ALWAYS wants to be ALONE. Of course the obvious you are NEVER ALONE, God is there, is true. I mean human people by you. Sometimes if I don't get ALONE time no one wants to be by me anyway...I get quite crabby! When people get ill some surround themselves with people. I prefer to be ALONE. This upsets and hurts some people but it is just that- I do better dealing with things ALONE. I cope better. Someday I'll be in a house without kids, hard to imagine. But the thought of being with my husband ALONE and no kids is extremely exciting! Has never happened in our marriage, or dating. I love ALL my kids, all of them by birth or otherwise. But sometimes I just want to be ALONE!!! How about you?

Matthew 25 :37-45

34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

I have used these verses a lot in defense of writing to or visiting kids/young adults in prison. First of all it's no ones business, and second there is no such thing as a throw away person. Everyone can be redeemed. It's what I hold onto for myself. GRACE! We can all receive it! ALL. Everyone. Even prisoners.I am far from perfect, news flash so are we all! I think we should all live by these verses. You never know what God can and will do with your act of kindness. You may never know anyone in the situations above, seek them out. It's an amazing feeling to give! I was told today by the person I most recently sent a letter to in prison 'thaaanks. i read it about 27,000 times. lolll. ' Made me smile.

Easter

Easter dinner and activities went well. Egg hunt was last weekend. We ended up with 19 for dinner- I think. We added people everyday this week! It was nice to have my kids here at one time! It doesn't happen as often anymore with Sissy off at college! WOW. Time flies. People always tell you that,it's true, the older you get, the faster it goes. Take every minute make it mean something!

Three Years

Three years ago almost exactly-an hour from now to be exact- I almost died of a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. Had it not been for the persistence of my husband of not taking me home--he was asked to 3 times, a nurse who knew me and listened to me after an ignorant arrogant ER doctor let me bleed internally for 15 hours, a wonderful doctor came and did surgery to save my life, my baby's life was already gone. I am so thankful to be alive. I would have missed so many things with my children! 2007 was an awful year. I lost that baby and then in October lost a baby at 16 weeks 6 days just about crushing me and leaving me without hope or faith. I tried again and got pregnant but lost that baby in January 2008. I had a hysterectomy in 2009 to save me again-- since I had become so sick with anemia I couldn't go on living a productive life and it eventually would have shortened my life. Why tell you all this. Because I lived through it I went though the dark got to the light and am joyfully happy. I have a beautiful 3 year old, a wonderful 18 year old, a loving husband and a ton of kids who call me mom/grandma-I am blessed. I still get teary, upset, angry, frustrated about not having the children I lost or the hope to have more, but it doesn't overtake who I am anymore. for that I am grateful too. So many people have life so much worse than this and some people have nothing. Why? All I can do is quote and Amy Grant song--

So much pain and no good reason why
You've cried until the tears run dry
And nothing else can make you understand
The one thing that you held so dear
Is slipping from your hand
And you say
Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say
Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road
Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all
I thought I'd climbed the highest wall
Now I see the learning never ends
And all I know to do is keep on walking
Walking 'round the bend singing
Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say
Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road